I’m SUPER excited to tell you that I did a bit of amateur
sleuthing and caught my apartment complex in a lie. Partly this is exciting
because my apartment complex is terrible and I’m psyched to have some dirt on
them….and partly I’m elated to be one step closer to my idols: Starlee Kine of
Mystery Show, Veronica Mars, and of course Harriet the Spy.
You have to start out with What We Know, right? I learned
that from Serial.
Girlfriend and I moved into The Shittay (name changed to
prevent some kind of slander lawsuit) in July. The short list of annoyances
includes a parking space shortage, getting my car towed, unresponsive front
office in regards to pending work orders (when the stove breaks AGAIN and starts smelling like burning chemicals) and a
sad-looking “exercise room” that never seems to be open (I’m paying for those
tetanus-laden machines, goddamnit!). As for trash disposal, there is one
dumpster near our unit, and no obvious facilities for recycling. I figured that
finding an “affordable” rental (for the Denver area) meant that fancy
amenities like “keeping your recyclable crap out of a landfill” were just not
provided.
 |
| Also not provided in my apartment: a washer and dryer, a full complement of light bulbs, a shower that stays hot, dignity. |
Imagine my surprise when I got the convoluted itemized bill
for our rent and utilities and saw a charge for “trash recycling.” Maybe they meant that the recycling is trash, because they throw your recycling into the trash, or because the recycling service is crap, because they care as much about the planet as they care about your happiness as a tenant. So I
asked the front office if recycling was provided. He said it was! In fact, he said the garbage company picks up the trash and
recyclables all mixed together, and they sort it themselves! How magical!
Digging Deeper
It seemed too good to be true. What trash company would
painstakingly sort through piles of noxious garbage and pick out recyclables?
Wouldn’t the paper goods be too soiled to recycle? And why would The Shittay
pay for such a premium service? It didn’t seem likely. Girlfriend told me The
Shittay was probably lying. But how to find out for sure?
 |
| Curious Catniss wants to know. She is also wondering if the garbage company knows what happened to her favorite cardboard box... |
Easily, apparently. The trash company’s name is written on
the side of the dumpster, so I looked them up. The website did not specifically
say they provided a service that sorted your trash and recycling, but like many company
websites it provided more advertising than actual information, so I
decided to give the company a call.
Smoking Gun
“Commingled pickup? Yes, we provide that.” Apparently
sorting peoples’ trash and recycling is a thing. They provide this service for
businesses, HOAs, and apartment complexes. I didn’t ask about the details of
the sorting, and I didn’t learn about the employee’s hopes and dreams (sorry
Starlee, I’ve let you down). But I did learn the answer to my original
question.
“Is there a way to find out if an apartment complex uses
that service?”
“Yes, do you know the main address? Or the name?”
I give her the name of the Shittay.
 |
| It's, uh....the place with the green dumpsters. And suspicious-looking puddles. |
“Shittay Park? Yes, we provide pickup for them. We don’t do
commingled for them, though, just trash pick-up. The service is available,
though, so if you’re interested you can have them contact our sales rep.”
Ha. Got you, Shittay! Of course, the question now is what to
do with this shocking revelation…
Most likely, it'll just provide further impetus to get the
hell out of the Shittay as soon as we can afford to. Consistently working appliances, here
we come!
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