Peak Pumpkin

The leaves are changing, the weather is crisp, the smell of Fall is in the air. And that smell is Pumpkin Spice.

It's baaa-aaaack....

Full disclosure: I'm a tiny bit "basic" myself. I've been known to purchase and consume pumpkin-flavored edibles, and I've even bought a Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte. Twice. But I think we can all agree that things have gone a bit too far. Let's face it: we've hit Peak Pumpkin.


For traditionalists, there's Starbucks' autumnal cash cow, the Pumpkin Spice "Latte."

Now available in instant form so you can get your PSL fix without all the judging stares.

Other "coffee" producers didn't take too much time to jump on the bandwagon.

McCafe Keurig Pods: for when you're rich enough to buy a Keurig, but think you're being frugal by not buying those over-priced Starbucks drinks.

Now you can even dump pumpkin spice crap into your regular old drip coffee:

Is anybody else weirded out by the fact that "creamer" tends to be "non-dairy"? How is that even possible? Or, more to the point, WHY?

Not to be outdone by its trendier rival, even coffee's stodgy British cousin got in on the pumpkin racket:

Hopefully the caffeine gives you the energy to question your life choices.

But obviously pumpkin spice has moved far beyond the hot drinks that birthed it.

It started small, with seasonal candy.

Ms. Brown M&M sort of looks like she's enjoying her PSL ironically.

Why exactly do pumpkin spice kisses have tiger stripes? And why do I want to try them so badly?

Candy corn works like this: 1. I shouldn't buy this. 2. I shouldn't eat this. 3. Yummmm so sugary yay! 4. I shouldn't have eaten that. 5. But this next one will taste even better!

Obviously, Oreo joined in. This is hardly the most absurd flavor they've created (that honor goes to Swedish Fish Oreos).

They're actually pretty good. The cream tastes like cinnamon, ginger, and nutmeg...and let's be honest, the only thing "pumpkin" about most pumpkin spice shit is the orange dye.

You can't really be shocked that other cookies got in on the trend:

Probably delicious

Questionable

But then there's pumpkin spice yogurt....

Real yogurt, a bit too sweet, but not bad

This isn't yogurt anymore, this is dessert. And yes I bought some and I'm going to try it.

Not "traditional" in any sense of the word, and probably shouldn't be allowed to call itself yogurt. Guys, Oikos is disgusting. Don't let John Stamos's beautiful face tempt you.

...cereal...

Start your day the basic way!

..."healthy" bars....

So basic that I just. Can't. Even.

I want something seasonal and delicious, and also I can't poop.

...beer...

Leinenkugel's, stick to Summer Shandy. That's your wheelhouse. Blue Moon...I'll allow it.

And so on. 

At this point, the pumpkin invasion doesn't even stop in the food and beverage aisles. No, it's time for everything in your life to smell like a sorority girl in yoga pants walking out of a Starbucks .

This air freshener is actually supposed to smell like Pumpkin Spice Latte.

For when you wish your house smelled like a mediocre coffee chain.

Candle companies don't limit pumpkin spice to just one scent, it's a whole category of seasonal madness.

Just like pie, without all those pesky "calories" or "warm moments with family and friends"

My house smells like cookies, even though I have no clue how to operate an oven!

So on-trend, it name-checks both pumpkin AND cupcakes. Oh, did I say "on-trend"? I meant chasing trends from 3-5 years ago.

And if you have relatives coming for Thanksgiving, there's no better way to cover up the smell of weed, beer, and general filth than a Pumpkin Febreze.

Chad spilled the bong water again. Better get the value pack.

So have we jumped the Pumpkin Spice shark? You decide. For me, all it took was this particularly harrowing image:

Dear god, why? Is it a sweet Triscuit? Is "pumpkin and spice" meant to be savory? Are they putting cheddar cheese and maraschino cherries on a cracker? Is this the end times?

I think we're done here. Please be on the lookout for other pumpkin-strosities (that's a pumpkin monstrosity. Obviously.) and send them to me. Until then, I'll be living that Pumpkin Spice Life.

Seriously??